If you compare the dating trends of our generation to those of our parent's generation, the differences are literally insane. Every week, we have some sort of new, crazy dating trend going viral, from ghosting, to orbiting, you really never know what to expect next!
The newest dating trend as of now, it seems, is something called "cushioning". When you hear the word, you think of something soft, cozy, and inviting, not something evil and manipulative, but that's definitely what it is.
To start off, let's take a look at this Urban Dictionary definition:
Basically, a cushioner is someone who keeps extra guys/gals on the side, mainly to boost their self-esteem and reassure them, just in case things don't work out with the main person they're pursuing. Talk about seriously f*cked up.
I'll admit that I'm someone who suffers from pretty bad anxiety, and that can sometimes translate into my relationship. Even though my boyfriend is amazing to me and I'm totally in love with him, I've been known to worry from time to time and overthink things.
Via Priscilla Du Preez | Unsplash
Does that mean I keep extra people on the side to reassure me in case things go south? Absolutely f*cking not. I'm of the opinion that if you know you can't fully commit to a person, you shouldn't be in a relationship at all. Your fear of getting hurt is going to do nothing but hurt the other person, and that's seriously not cool.
I think that one of the best parts of a relationship is the mystery of it all. You never know what's going to happen, and you have to take things day by day, and do what you can in the moment to better one another and keep one another happy. Keeping a "cushion" or two on the side to pad and fluff up your relationship may seem like a good idea, but it's actually more detrimental in the long run.
If you have relationship anxiety and feel like you need that sort of reassurance, the BEST thing you can do is talk to your partner about it, and let them know what you need from them. If they can comply, and help you overcome your personal struggles, that's amazing! But if they can't, maybe it's time you let go and start looking for somebody who can.
Dating in 2018 can be hard, but it's not impossible. Be transparent with one another, be loyal, and find someone who loves you the way you want, need, and deserve to be loved. You don't need a cushion.
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